My Mental Health Journey
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My Journey: A Story Behind Gray Matters and Co.
A Message from Carissa
Six years ago, I experienced one of the scariest times of my life, and it forever changed me and the way I view mental health and advocacy. I understand everyone has a very unique birthing story, but mine involves a somewhat rare event that isn’t often discussed. I feel compelled to share it to inform others and hopefully help them become better advocates for themselves.
The Birth of My Son
I had a fairly normal pregnancy and a quick delivery with my son, Grayson, who arrived in about two hours. However, I experienced excessive bleeding after his birth. Despite being monitored until discharge, I felt extremely fatigued and lightheaded, which I initially attributed to the natural birth.
The Warning Signs
For 11 days postpartum, I struggled to walk, shower, and even climb stairs without feeling faint. I was passing large blood clots—larger than both my fists—and felt weaker by the day. At a follow-up appointment, my midwife reassured me that these symptoms were somewhat normal and that I might be overdoing it.
The Day Everything Changed
On the 11th day, after running errands, I started feeling even more faint. As I stood up from the couch, I suddenly began hemorrhaging. I rushed to the bathroom, and to my horror, the toilet quickly filled with blood. My husband, Matt, was trying to care for our newborn, Grayson, and frantically called our OB for guidance while reassuring me that everything would be okay.
We stuffed towels into my shorts and raced to the ER. Despite the severity of my condition, I was told to sit and wait. No vitals were taken immediately, and I was bleeding out in the waiting room.
The Helplessness in the ER
Finally, I was taken to a room but was left waiting for hours. During this time, I felt deep helplessness as my bleeding continued unabated. Nurses were slow to respond, and basic care was neglected. I remember calling for water repeatedly and waiting over ten minutes each time for assistance.
The ER doctor initially downplayed the blood loss, stating postpartum women could lose a lot of blood and be fine. However, an ultrasound revealed that part of the placenta had been left behind, and my hemoglobin levels were critically low. Despite this, I received only one pint of blood, which felt pointless as I continued to hemorrhage.
A Glimmer of Hope
Eventually, I was moved to a trauma area, but the care there was equally lacking. The nurses seemed inexperienced and unprepared to handle my situation. I had to use a bedpan myself and clean up afterwards despite being weak and in distress.
Finally, an on-call OB intervened. She discovered that medications to stop the bleeding, ordered hours earlier, had not been administered. She gave me the medication via suppository, and my bleeding slowed. The OB called a code, and I was rushed to surgery for an emergency D&C procedure.
The Aftermath
This traumatic experience left me with PTSD and a deep distrust in the healthcare system, barring the OB who saved my life. I used to fear that I would start bleeding out again at any moment, and anxiety would grip me at the sight of blood or thoughts of hospitals.
Finding Purpose
Through this harrowing ordeal, I realized the importance of being informed and advocating for oneself. This experience inspired me to create Gray Matters and Co., where we focus on mental health awareness and provide support through our products and community.
Our Mission
At Gray Matters and Co., we strive to make a meaningful impact through connection, inspiration, empowerment, and awareness. We want to create a space where people feel understood and supported, especially when facing their own mental health challenges.
Join Us
By sharing my story, I hope to shed light on the importance of proper postpartum care and mental health awareness. I invite you to join our community, share your own stories, and support one another on this journey.
Stay connected and follow our journey on Instagram and Facebook. Share your stories, find support, and be part of a community that cares. Together, we can make a difference. 💚